2020 recap.
With just under a month left on the calendar, I’ve been reflecting a lot. I don’t usually write things like this, but 2020 changed pretty much everything for pretty much everyone, so why not try something different? Writing this retrospective was personally therapeutic for me. I’m happy to have an account of my memories from this year all in one place. But maybe it will be nice for others to see that they’re not alone in this year being a weird, hard one.
Before we get into it, here’s a quick guide to who’s who. Read it and memorize it before you jump right into the deep end. (Just kidding, you can consult this key as you need to—there are no rules for reading a blog!)
Bhailu (my brother)
Payal (my sister)
Tapan (my brother-in-law)
Kruti, Sandy, Denisha, Amber, Val, Der, & Corey (my precious humans)
Dylan, Paul, Jacob, Brad (my work bffs)
Esha (my niece)
Dylan (my nephew)
I rang in the New Year alongside Sandy and Kruti in an NYC apartment watching The Witcher, starring the hottie Henry Cavill! I’m sure you’ve forgotten about that Netflix show—I almost did!—but we had a blast, and had no idea what was right around the corner. Now, 12 months later, I’m living in Atlanta, having a hard time believing that lowkey NYE took place less than a year ago.
So let’s talk about where things went from there, shall we?
Well, January was great. I went to go visit my favorite human, Bhailu, in California. Nothing so much as hinted at what would take place in the coming months.
February is Dad’s birth and death anniversary, plus Mom’s birth month so it always has its highs and lows, but overall February of 2020 was a solid month for me.
In March, Kruti decided we would do a staycation in NYC! It was just us girls, prancing around the city, from the Comedy Cellar, to Bathtub Gin, to Restoration Hardware—best weekend ever! We would have loved to cram even more into the weekend, but that was also when things started officially shutting down in NYC. And the following week, it was clear all of our lives would forever change—this wasn’t going to be a little one-to-two day inconvenience.
April... Shit! I don’t know where April went. It came and left. All I really remember was spending the most time I ever had in my studio apartment, and at Kruti’s larger apartment. Oh! And April was when we discovered TikTok as 30+-year-olds! (That was big.)
But May is when everything fully sunk in and changed for me. The uncertainty of whether I’d be waking up the next day with or without a job… or the possibility of finding out my landlord needed his apartment back, or doubt creeping in over when I would see my family again… It was becoming too much.
I woke up one day and called Bhailu to tell him I was thinking of moving back to Georgia. “About time,” he said.
I called Tapan next, and he told me he had already started coordinating my move without me even giving him all the details. Classic Tapan.
Then I called Payal and she started crying—such a goober. Payal told Mom immediately after I told her not to.
Later, I Facetimed Mom and as soon as she picked up, she was smiling, saying how happy she was! News travels fast.
Feeling the momentum of my now almost certain move, I called my two best friends in Georgia next. Val was already on her way out to Denver that summer, so that sucked. But Amber, immediately answered my FaceTime and said “either you are getting married or you are moving home.” (I’m not much of a phone person so when I call, everyone knows it’s something major). Clearly, it was the latter.
June marked the first time during quarantine that things started making sense for me. Big things were on the horizon, but I felt clarity and confidence in them. Enough had changed by the year’s halfway point that I was doing things I never thought I would do again. Like move back to Georgia!
I never liked Georgia growing up. It had a lot of sad memories for me, and it reminded me of my dad—I hadn't really been since his passing for more than a long weekend and always stayed busy when I would visit. I always knew eventually I would make my way to Atlanta to face some old demons, but 2020 forced the issue, and made it happen a lot quicker, before I was sure I was ready. But it was decided: come August, I would be a Georgia resident again.
I turned 33 in July and I had a trip to Costa Rica booked, which had to obviously be canceled. So Costa Mesa, California, had to suffice. I refused to be cooped up in a NYC studio apartment during my birthday week, plus I would be with Bhailu! Cases had been in decline and people were traveling safely, so I felt good about the trip, but alas! Bhailu picked Kruti and me up from the airport, then we wound up stuck in Bhailu’s apartment for 14 days because he tested positive for Covid!
I love staying in with family and friends, so this was one of my best birthdays, despite it all. Afterward, we flew back to NYC for the last two weeks of my studio apartment. Sandy, Denisha, Kruti and I walked along the Hudson and East River, went to socially-distanced rooftops, and stayed up until 6am dancing in Kruti’s apartment! It was the best going away, and we all handled it great until I got up to leave for my flight on a Sunday.
As I hugged Kruti goodbye, the tears just started flowing. And the worst was at the airport, when the TSA agent saw me balling with my mask on, and kindly said “it’ll be ok.”
“YOU DON’T KNOW!” I snapped while sobbing, but he actually turned out to be right. Deep down I knew it too, but at that moment, I was sad. New York had become my home.
Come August, I had officially moved back to Georgia. I was quiet for the first week, trying to lay low and quarantine after traveling, but everyone around me wasn’t quite so patient! My mom, Payal, Esha, Dylan, just wouldn’t leave me alone—not in a bad way, they were so excited that I was back. But I was heartbroken that I left NYC.
A lot of bad things happened in my life while I was living in NYC, but I never left. There was something reassuring about the experience—it validated that I’m just a small speck in this whole universe which is weirdly enough, a calming thought for me. But when Covid came, I couldn’t justify living in a city where the cost of admission was paying over $2k for a studio. I couldn’t take advantage of anything it had to offer, and I didn’t know the next time I would see my family. (As much as I am a loner, I need to see my family at least once a quarter!)
To help cheer me happy, Payal and Tapan did take me hiking, followed by Waffle House, so mad props to them for making me happy through fitness and food—y’all know me. That was the first moment that Georgia began to feel my new/old home. And what really helped me feel even more positive was the fact that the week I moved back home, I also started a new job! Shoutout to CatalystCreativ (CC)!!
During September, all I did was work, read books, watch Bollywood movies, indulge in a little self care, and hang out with my family. And by golly, it was the best month ever.
To be fully transparent, my father was my fav parent. Not that I disliked my mom! I actually had no issues with her growing up, I can’t recall a single fight we had growing up. But if you ask me where my mom was during all the pivotal moments in my life, I would tell you “I don't know.” Ten times out of ten, she was there, right next to my dad, but I was always zeroed in on my dad.
So being back home has allowed my mom and I to get closer. Sure, sometimes I’m still like WTF MOM! But I’m learning patience through her, and as much as I get tired of eating oily Indian food every night, it’s nice to know how important it is to her to be feeding me since I’ve been living on my own for so long. It’s just one way she shows me she loves me. (But for real—if you’re in Atlanta and ever want leftover chole puri, let me know.)
Tapan makes fun of me for saying this—which is often, because I say this line constantly— but October was the month my heart became full!
I swear, Payal and I are polar opposites, but like my mom and me, she and I have grown much closer this year. (I’m sure she’ll cry reading this, but Payal is definitely one of the reasons why I’m always laughing these days.) Prior to Covid, we were all supposed to go to Tulum in Mexico for a huge celebration for Tapan and Payal’s 40th birthday. But instead we had to make do with a safe party at their house. Tulum’s got nothing on Atlanta—It was a BLAST. Corey freaking showed up with Bhailu! We were all completely and utterly shooketh!
And to cap off an incredible month, a couple of weeks later, I was leaving Barry’s after a workout class when Jacob stopped me and asked if I wanted to work there as a second, part-time gig! Of course I did! Val and Der also visited briefly, so I had an amazing 24 hours with them. October was pure magic.
November brought Payal’s birthday and Diwali. I was a bit nervous how it would go down. This was the first time all of us were together for Diwali since Dad’s passing, and I didn’t know what to expect—if I would break down, or if someone would rage too hard.
Turns out I didn’t need to worry so much. I did just fine! Therapy has helped so much, and those five days together as a family were some of the best of 2020. So, so, so much fun. One night just the sibling trio stayed up until 5am talking like we would in the good old days before Bhailu and I moved out of state. It was something my heart needed, and I didn’t even know it.
But ahhh! After a high, life has to knock you down sometimes, right? Well despite rarely leaving my apartment, and trying to strictly follow all the rules, I got Covid. Thankfully I didn’t give it to my mom, who I’d spent time with while technically contagious. But for two weeks I was totally out of it. Getting my energy back to normal has taken a long time. I didn’t want to make this a Covid post, but I hope if you are reading this you are staying safe! Oh! One last positive for November: Payal and I dropped a TikTok post. We have some in the works for 2021, don’t worry.
And now here we are. It’s December. And with all the good and bad of the year freshly revisited, I’m trying to put it all in perspective. Leaving NYC not on my own terms still makes me sad at times, but I keep focusing on the fact that I may not have another time like this to be with my mom and my family so much.
I think I say it every week on CC’s weekly check-in calls, but at this point Esha and Dylan are my best friends, despite them being 11 and seven years old. They are riots but they also constantly reminding me that the best things in life are often the littlest ones—playdates with Amber’s daughter; Housepartying with the girls in Denver/NYC/Mass.; watching how much fun Payal has swiping guys on dating apps on my behalf (her commentary is hilarious); annoying Tapan with my Bollywood singing; weekly FaceTimes with Bhailu to hear about his weekly adventures and seeing his face light up when he gives me updates on Jivati; my mom waiting to eat dinner with me every night; hopping on random Zoom calls with Dylan and Paul to bond over our obsession with basketball (especially Giannis) and beer; looking forward to my Barry’s shift knowing I’ll get a front row show of Brad busting out Brittany dance moves or talking to Jacob just about all the things we want to manifest into our future!
And that’s what I’m hoping to take forward with me from 2020, even when things eventually go back to “normal.” The little moments, that turn out being the best moments.
The point of writing this is to show everyone will have their own story of how this year went. Some found themselves out of work, while others started their dream job. Some married their best friends, some lost theirs. Some moved closer to their families, while others haven’t had a chance to see their family yet.
And I hope that by sharing all the highs and lows of 2020 that I experienced, some of you will feel inclined to do the same. It can be cathartic, but even if you don’t want to share so much of yourself, you can always listen and lend a kind ear—it might be exactly what somebody you love needs.
Alright! That’s it. Signing off for 2020, now. I’ll catch you all in 2021—happy holidays! Nx.